Monster
by icywarm
Summary: One, simply cannot live without the other.  To get my life to work, I need Shizu-chan.  I'll always be alone, no matter what. Step-dad and the flea are right, I'm just a monster.  Character Death.


**Well, I opened up this word document to type up chapter seven of Nai Wata Shi. But this idea literally assaulted my brain. And I have to type it up. Italics are memories, and underlined is _not _Shizuo's POV.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! in any way, shape or form.**

**Warning(s): Character death. And a sad past for Shizou. [I don't know anything about Shizuo other than what I've seen in fanfics and what is in the first sixteen episodes of Durarara!]**

**YES! I KNOW THAT SHIZUO SAI D HE CAME FROM A NORMAL FAMILY! I'm changing that. Otherwise it wouldn't work.**

**I'm also making Kasuka 2 years younger than Shizuo, since I can't seem to find his age. And I may be giving to much credit to little Shizuo, but I don't know how old children can be when they start to talk. And I don't know exactly what is said in episode seven, so I'm going off of memory. I really don't feel like re-watching just to find out.**

**Ugg, Shizuo is so depressed and ooc. Whatever. I like how this has played out. Oh yeah, I guess that a lot of people will consider it Shizaya/Izuo at the end. Just know, I did not write it to be Shizaya/Izuo. It's alright if you see it that way because I support it, but I didn't write it to be that.**

It was, my first memory.

"_Mom, where dad?" I asked my mother with such childish curiosity. I didn't know that my dad had left her the night prior. I didn't know that he left because she was sexually assaulted on her way home from work, and had decided to keep the child._

"_Dad is away on a trip. It could take him a very long time to come home, so you won't see him for a long time." I didn't even notice that my mother was starting to tear up. I wasn't even two years old yet. She picked me up, and brought me to my bed._

"_I hope dad home soon."_

"_Yeah. Me too." I didn't realize that dad would never being coming home. I didn't realize that I would never see my father again._

It hurt so much. Where was someone, anyone when you needed them?

"_Brother?" I asked upon first seeing Kasuka. He was so little and cute._

"_Yeah. This is your brother, Kasuka. Make sure to take care of him."_

"_Alright!" I wouldn't learn until much later that Kasuka and I were only half brothers. I don't think that Kasuka knows, though. I want to keep it that way. I don't want Kasuka to think I kept something from him all these years. I never told him, because I had promised mom I wouldn't…_

I'd rather have the flea here, then be alone. Never mind the taunting that would come.

Having someone is better than being alone. I know that.

_I had wound up at the hospital. Who wouldn't after attempting to throw a fridge? My friend, Shinra was there, as well as my brother. But my mom didn't show up. Why should she? It was my own fault. My stepdad told me this. Kasuka said nothing, as Shinra rambled on. I didn't even realize I was twisting his arm until I heard his voice._

"_Shizuo, quit it! It hurts! You're going to break it!" I let his arm go, and didn't say a thing. I didn't do anything else. I just laid there. It wasn't like I could do much else. Only after they left, and the nurses had said goodnight, did I let a few tears fall._

_Mom wouldn't visit me, neither would my stepdad. Kasuka never said anything and Shinra just rambled on about wanting to run some tests on me. No one actually tried to comfort me; no one even considered that I was hurting as well. From then on, it was a routine at the hospital._

_During the day, act as if I were fine. Shinra would just ramble and Kasuka stayed silent. At night, after everyone had left, I let loose a few tears. Realizing that as long as I had my strength, I would be alone._

There was blood everywhere. Those goons, they had to of been hired. It was the only explanation. A lot of people did want me dead. Who wouldn't?

I'm a monster.

_Everyone ran, everyone hid. No one wanted to get on my bad side, yet many people tried to kill me, tried to murder me. At this point, my mother has been dead for 3 years, telling me the day before she died about my brother, and making me swear on my life never to tell. Then, she committed suicide. The note read this. 'I'm tired of living with a monster, yet I can't bear to leave, and have him killed.' To this day, I don't know if she was talking about me, my stepdad, or both of us. If she meant me, she was protecting Kasuka and stepdad. If she meant our stepdad, she was protecting my brother and me. However, if she meant both me and my stepdad then she only wanted to protect Kasuka._

_When I'm sad, or when something goes wrong, I know she meant both of us. All the other times, she only meant my stepdad. I'm guessing that anger was what I let out on others, so that I wouldn't unleash it on myself…_

"_Son, you're just a monster. That's why your mother died. She couldn't bear the thought of you hurting us all. With her weak resolve, she thought that there was only one way out."_

"_I know."_

_He told me this everyday when I got home from school. Kasuka was never with me. He always stayed after to help the teachers. I knew he wasn't my father, but the words still stung, and it still hurt._

Where are the friends I've managed to make? Where are Tom, Shinra, and Celty? Did they leave me?

Have the flea and my stepfather been right all along?

"_This is Izaya Orihara, from our class. To be honest, he really isn't nice at all."_

"_That's not nice, Shinra."_

_I turned to look at him. Something about how at ease he was just ticked me off. "You piss me off."_

"_Really? I was just thinking we could have some fun." I charged at him and attempted to punch him. Of course, he dodged, and used his knife to slice me. "See? Isn't this fun?" I screamed and ran after him. From then on, we tried to kill each other._

"_Look, it's a monster. I mean, how are you, Shizu-chan?" Always, no matter what I did, I was called a monster. I was even given a nickname, the monster of Ikebukuro. I didn't ask for this. I hate that flea, but, every time he ever called me a monster just sent a knife through my heart. Every time I nearly killed someone, they ran away screaming, or my stepfather called just to remind me that I was worthless, my heart was stabbed. I know I'm being to angsty, but that's just how I felt._

I coughed up some more blood, unable to move. Whenever I tried to yell for help, I was unable to breathe. And I was utterly alone.

I was going to die alone.

_The first time it happened, it was an accident. I was chopping up carrots for a stew I was making. The knife slipped and I cut my finger. However, unlike the times I had been slashed by Izaya, or the time where a pen was driven through my hand, or even the times I've been run over, I felt something. I felt pain. It wasn't mental pain either. No, it was real, physical pain. The kind I had inflicted on other. I wonder, do I only feel it because it was my own person who hurt me? That was most likely the answer. I had used my body to unintentionally hurt others, so, when I unintentionally hurt myself, I felt it. I felt the pain that caused blood to well down my finger._

_I quickly finished cooking the stew, and immediately place the blade on my arm, not on anyplace vital. I pushed down, expecting to feel something, anything. To my disappointment, I felt nothing. I stopped before I reached the bone, and bandaged myself up. So, I'm only human when I unintentionally injure myself. I didn't dare go to Shinra about my 'cut', seeing as if I did go, the flea would get wind of it, and hurt me more._

No one actually thinks I'll die. That must be why they won't help. I'm an inhuman monster. Nothing anyone throws at me could ever hurt me. That's what they saw.

A fake me, designed to keep others from helping.

_No one could tell how I felt. No one could help me. No, they all thought I came from such a nice happy family. Sure, my two real parents are divorced. I don't remember my real father, my mom committed suicide, and I {don't} speak to my stepdad, but I'm a perfectly healthy individual who just needs a lot of anger management lessons. That's what they saw. That's what they knew. I was always calm, unless you provoked me. I was proud of my brother, and I am. However, he doesn't speak to me. I rarely see him._

_Over the years, I've carved into myself, so that if I was ever in a situation as I was in now, dying, that someone could know what I was, and how I felt._

_I'm a monster. I'm a monster. I'll be alone. No one cares. It's my fault. I'd be normal if I didn't have my strength. I'd be normal is I didn't get so angry all the time. It'd be better for everyone if I wasn't here. Everyone would be happier if I disappeared. I won't go away on my own, someone has to take me. I'm just a monster._

_That's all there was. It was written in scars, all over my body. And it was true. I'm a monster who'll always be alone. No one care about me. Everything is my fault. I'd be normal if I didn't have my strength and if I didn't get so angry all the time it'd be better and happier for everyone if I was gone But I won't take my own life, someone else has to take it._

Why does no one see how human I am? I'm in pain. And no one is here. They've left. I truly am alone.

I remember what happened.

_It was deliberate. He pissed me off on purpose. I only now know that. He didn't even start talking until I was within earshot. "You guys all know Yuuhei Hanejima? Well, I think he's just some rich, arrogant prick." That set me off. No one could speak of my brother like that, no one! I charged at him like the monster I am, completely ignoring the men he was talking to. That was my only mistake. They had the whole thing planned out. The next thing I knew, I was on my back, unable to move, unable to speak, unable… to scream._

_They took a needle, and injected me with some unknown drug, making me feel as if I was on fire. I actually felt it, but, this time, I wasn't glad, I was going to die. The next thing they did, was force a pipe down my windpipe, and poured something down._

"_Don't worry; it's just a little tissue eating acid." They pulled the pipe out, allowing me to cough and gag. They had poured acid down my throat, into my lungs. They were destroying my lungs. That wasn't even close to done. They beat me while I was unable to move. They even managed to break a few of my bones, and slice my right foot's Achilles' tendon. Soon, they left, leaving me gasping for the air I couldn't grab onto, in pain, and dying._

I can't breathe. It's taking too much energy to keep my eyes open. Every half-successful attempt to breathe was fire in my already burning chest.

I-I was really going to die.

_And I know those men weren't hired. They had this planned, and would soon flee Japan._

I closed my eyes. It didn't matter. Everything looks the same, eyes closed or eyes open.

_I didn't even realize it, when I had left this world._

1.) ~I'm sorry. I didn't get there in time. ~

I just looked at Celty with sadness in my eyes. "It's alright. It isn't your fault."

~Should we check the full extent of the damage? ~

"Why not? I just hope that Shizuo didn't have to go through a lot before…" I removed Shizuo's shirt, and my eyes immediately widened at what I saw. All over Shizuo's body, written in self-inflicted scars, were words.

I'm a monster. I'm a monster. I'll be alone. No one cares. It's my fault. I'd be normal if I didn't have my strength. I'd be normal is I didn't get so angry all the time. It'd be better for everyone if I wasn't here. Everyone would be happier if I disappeared. I won't go away on my own, someone has to take me. I'm just a monster.

~S-Shizuo did this to himself? He thought this? For how long? ~ I just nodded my head twice and shook it once, signifying that the answers were yes, yes, and I don't know.

"It's hard to believe. Shizuo is such a strong man. But, it seems as if he were hurt. He hurt a lot, and we didn't see it. We didn't know. We didn't do a thing to help, so he thought he was alone." I was shaking, and after my little not-even-a speech, Celty was as well. There was nothing we could do. Shizuo was gone. He is gone. And there's no way we can help. Just then, the doorbell rang, and we both heard Izaya's voice sing out.

2.) I rang Shinra's doorbell. "Shinra, one of my clients decided to attack me and I didn't have enough room to dodge. Could you please come here and patch me up?" I sang it with such happiness. Never did I think of what was behind those doors. I was slightly disturbed when Shinra opened the door. He had a look of just utter sadness, and I could smell death in the air. "Awe, Shinra, did one of your patients die on you?"

"No. He was dead before Celty even found him." That interested me. Who could be so important that they would bring him here, even if he was already dead? Shinra led me inside, and treated my wound before just leaving me, and walking into another room. 

"Hey!" He can't just ignore me! I'm Izaya Orihara! Who could it possibly be that is so important? I followed Shinra into the other room, only to see Shizuo. Shizuo, who was not breathing, and cover in scars. Upon reading them, I saw that Shizuo actually considered himself a monster and alone. I saw that Shizuo had thought of suicide, but decided that only someone else could possibly take his life. "What, how did he die?" It just seems so unreal. Shizu-chan, monster of Ikebukuro, was actually dead. However, I felt nothing.

"It looks as if acid was literally eating away at his lungs; however, there is also evidence of being beaten. I would say, he died because of the lack of air and the fact that he would have choked on his own blood."

"Alright." I only said that single word before I left.

3.) Its been so boring, without Shizu-chan to mess with. Not even my lovely humans have been able to entertain me. It feels as if something is missing. Something crucial to my existence. Could it be, that I have to have Shizu-chan to play with? He is the one human I could never figure out. Yes, I never thought of Shizu-chan as a monster. We can all act like them, but no living being is ever born, or created, a monster. I sighed, realizing that I had been about to use my flickblade to slice my perfectly pale skin. I've been doing that a lot, lately. I don't even realize that I have my flickblade out until I either feel the pain of a slice, or something snaps me out of it. This time, it was the second option that got me.

Celty's head. I saw Celty's head. My idea to awaken it needs Shizu-chan, and by the time I would have constructed a new plan, the ripe time to place it in place would have passed. There's no way I can have Celty bring me to Valhalla now. I sighed. To get my life to work, I needed Shizu-chan. Shizu-chan is dead. My life cannot work. The only solution, terminate that which will not work. So, I have to terminate my life. Almost immediately after thinking that, I got an idea.

I called my secretary, Namie, and told her that she was fired, and not to worry because she would get her next, and last, paycheck in the mail. Afterwards, I wrote her a check, giving her the money she didn't really earn. I then wrote another check giving all my wondrous wealth to my sisters. I didn't really care that I was just going to leave me behind. They would have given me up just to meet their idol. I then Placed Celty's head on the table and texted her, telling her to come to my place around six o' clock. That gave me around six hours to actually do this.

I filled my tub up completely with water and got in. Next, I took thirteen sleeping pills, and quickly sliced my own wrists with my flickblade. A creative way to commit suicide, isn't it? First, there are the sliced wrists, which give me my major blood loss. Then, there is the overdose on sleeping pills, which should either kill me, or put me in a coma. Finally, there is the tub full of water. When I do fall asleep, I'll fall face first into the water, every breath inhaling water, so that I drown myself. I soon felt myself grow weary, and my eyes began to droop.

Soon, I was no longer among the living.

4.) Izaya's door was unlocked. The first thing I noticed upon entering was my head. He had my head all along. And he purposely kept it from me! The second thing I noticed was the presence of death. Uncertain, I wondered through Izaya's house, until I came to the door where I sensed death the strongest. Pushing it open, I saw Izaya's corpse, wrists still bleeding. I immediately texted Shinra, not believing it at all. ~ Izaya is gone. I feel Death lurking in the air. He's face first in the tub, not breathing, his wrists bleeding. ~

I soon received a text back from Shinra.

~It seems as if, they both need to be alive to be complete. ~

~One cannot live without the other. ~

**This started as such a simple character death idea, and it turned into this. What do you think?**


End file.
